I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
