i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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