if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
