I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
