Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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