Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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