I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize