This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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