you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
