marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
