I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
