maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
