I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
