Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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