My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize