I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
