I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
