You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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