we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
