just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
