Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
