and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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