my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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