Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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