Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
