is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
