you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
