i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
