i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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