At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
