She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize