She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
