i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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