the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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