I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
