We named our party play list daddy issues
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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