i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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