the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
