Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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