How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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