Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
