The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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