What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
