If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
