i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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