Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize