i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
