I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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