KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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