I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
