I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
