Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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