Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
