I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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