yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
