i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
