so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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