Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
