I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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