I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
