My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
