Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize