I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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