you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
