Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
