Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
